My first month of entrepreneurship has included all the emotions. ALL. OF. THEM. Insert clapping here! Sometimes all at once. Sometimes one emotion would stay a little longer. And other times they would be short little bursts. OH and trusting my intuition. Yah. Big one here.
Usually happiness is the front runner. I’m happy I get to stay with my kids for the majority of the day. I’m happy I get to make design decisions and see a vision come to life. I’m happy I get the opportunity to work on my dream and build something ground up. It makes me smile- a big ol’genuine smile.
Then comes fear. Now this one is around money, security, future, and age. Yes. My age. Some of you might laugh at this but hear me out- I’m 38.5 (yes .5 haha!) mama needs a retirement plan- we all do according to our accountant. Who knew?! I have fears around money because I like things- I’ll admit it. I enjoy buying a new pair of shoes. Or my fav dry shampoo from Sephora. OH or getting my eyebrows done. I’m married to the most amazing man, and he’s constantly saying “our money! Just use OUR money”...but I’m a stubborn SOB and I like my own funds for my trivial little purchases. Security...well this one is huge for me. If we’re both self employed it makes getting a loan or even another mortgage very tough. So like...ummm...yah. This one consumes me quite a bit. And the future...well like I stated above I’m 38.5 and we have 3 babies. Who will all need student loans and financial help from us...I want to be prepared.
And the last emotion that keeps coming up...loneliness. Yup. I’ll admit it. I’m lonely. I love people. They’re kinda my thing. I enjoy customer service so much it’s ridiculous. Getting to know people, helping them with whatever it is they’re looking for. I miss being in the loop with what’s up to date in the fashion world. I miss working with a team. Being challenged to learn and grow. These are things I didn’t really think about when I took this step. I thought about having more freedom working from home, being around more for the kids and hubs, lowering my stress because I’d be the one who could still manage everyone in my family. I didn’t think about MY cup. How was I going to fill my cup up...see people...engage with them...I literally thrive on human connections. I don’t know what it is, but it’s my thing...people.
So with all that, I sit here on this beautiful Sunday morning contemplating my next step. Maybe a part time or full time gig while still crushing it with products and new designs! I believe I can have the best of both worlds. I really do! Why not?! The sky is the limit baby and I’m a BIG DREAMER, here to break down the barriers and push the limits. If I want something bad enough, I fight for it. Those who know me know this!
My intuition has been sharpened and brought back to life during the craziness of this last month. And I can feel this. I need to take care of that part of me too. I need to nourish my dreamer side while also taking care of the human connection and growth side. And I have the strength and resilience to do it. I’m ready and excited to see what the future holds.
Fuck you fear.
DawnMarie Jack xo